Friday, May 28, 2010

Adoption...Reality? Dream?

I remember when Jeanne-Ann found out that the pink line showed up on her home pregnancy test and we were going to have Kynzi. I was super excited! It was a strange period of time though for the nesxt 9 months. As excited as I was, it just didn't seem very real. I didn't know what to do with that other than to just live everyday out. We would go for checkups and ultrasounds and hear the babies' heartbeat and see the moving around and my heart would beat a little faster. We went in to find out the sex and it turns out Kynzi was being very modest and we couldn't really see. I thought it was so cool to look at all that. I was filled with eager anticipation. BUT it wasn't real. It didn't change my daily routine. Nothing about it did until the moment she was ushered out into the world.

At that moment EVERYTHING changed. It was IMMEDIATELY real! I could not have been more excited. I remember feeling the same thing before Karston was born. I must say that it was more difficult to imagine though because I was worried that I would not be able to love him as much as I loved Kynzi. I would even joke with Jeanne-Ann that I would love Kynzi and she could love this next one. The moment he joined us on this side of the womb "my heart grew three sizes" and all of a sudden God gave me this crazy capacity to love him like I loved his sister. I can't explain it other than that is how God has designed it.

As I think about my next 2 children I feel very much the same. The biggest differences? I can not see Jeanne-Ann's body changing because there is no baby inside. She has no strange cravings. She is not going in for any appointments. We are filling out tons of paperwork. We are raising support as it costs a ton. So in some sense we think about it more. But paperwork does not make a baby real. Checks we write just make the process real. It is a pretty strange process. This takes a lot of effort. There are classes online to take. I blog about it. My heart longs for my kids. I look forward to the day we get on the list. I look forward to the day we get the call to go to Ethiopia for the court appointment and I look forward to the day we bring our kids home.

I love dreaming. We are coming kids!


Bex said...

HURRAY! Love this post! I bet it IS so different and yet kind of strangely similar to waiting for the arrival of a biological baby. What a great day it will be when you get the call to go meet your kids! I will cry and scream and jump for joy with you guys!

P.S. Are you selling these shirts?!

erik w/a "k" said...

We will be selling these shirt...the EXACT look (placement) is still up in the air.

Laura said...

i love the shirts. the true navy shirt looks like a different kind of shirt than the other navy, which i like a lot.

i can't wait to buy a shirt, they look amazing!!

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