Giving Out of Your Pain

Tonight was Lorelei's funeral. What a funeral it was. 2 hours of celebration and stories and laughter and tears. Lorelei knew she was going to die so she took the liberty to set up what she wanted to happen in her funeral.

Can you imagine if you knew you were close to the end of your time on this earth? What would you want in your funeral? It made me think about the day that I go to meet Jesus in Heaven. I know I will not be at my funeral, but there are things I would love at my funeral. That is perhaps for another post.

It's hard to explain what happened at this funeral, so I won't jump into it. I do want to say that there was a piano in the middle of the stage (Lorelei was an amazing pianist) and the only time it was used was when Melissa Seidler (a former student of Lorelei's who is now teaching students of her own) played a piece that Lorelei had requested she do. What I want to share is what happened after at the reception part. This was particularly hard for Kynzi.

We waited to give a hug to the family. Ron saw us and came up and gave Kynzi a huge hug. He then whispered some words to her and seemed to talk to her for quite a while. As he finished he kissed her head and then hugged me. As we embraced he thanked me for being there and I said, "Thank you for that moment with Kynzi." He gave her and me a huge gift when he was in a huge place of loss. He told me that Lorelei would often say that Kynzi reminded her of herself when she was that age. Wow!

After, we talked to Justin and then to Sheena. Both of them told Kynzi how much their mom loved her and how she was often the topic of conversation at the dinner table. My heart is so heavy for them. I ache for their loss and yet here they give to me and to Kynzi. Wow. Ron, Justin and Sheena...I don't know if you will ever understand what a gift you gave to Kynzi with your words and as a result the gift you gave me. Thank you. I love you guys!

This is a picture Kynzi drew during the funeral.

Jared's Funeral...out of the blue

Wow. What a day. This was the most unique funeral I have ever been to. 2 things really stood out to me. 1) Jesus was the center of it all. 2) Jared is loved by many and touched many lives (and still is)!

As we turned into the road of the church there was a long line to park. I walked inside through the back entrance and ran into Scott (Jared's dad). We hugged and he told me he was quoting my blog in the eulogy where I called Jared a punk when he was in middle school. We laughed and I walked into the the worship center. It was packed already and we were 20 minutes early. They say it seats 1200 and there was standing room only.

One of the things that was glaringly obvious was the attire of a large population of the audience. Jared said he never wanted people to wear black at his funeral. He thought it would be great if people wore bright pink. One girl came up with the idea of getting neon pink shirts made up with "Alive in Christ" written on it. On Jared's foot he had a tattoo of those words..."Alive in Christ." Paige, his girlfriend, told me that he got it so he would constantly be reminded that he was. He played soccer so he used his foot a lot.

There were hundreds of people with neon pink all over that worship center. It was really cool.

The service was the longest I have been to. It was almost 3 hours long. It was not drawn out, it was beautiful. A lot of tears escaped their ducts. I thought I had gotten completely dried out until I drove home. Then again laying in bed. Then in church this morning. God supplies what we need. :)

As I sat at the Nagel's house this week reminiscing of Jared stories we laughed a lot. Joyce reminded me that after I kicked him out she came back for like 6 weeks and sat in our small group each week. Not exactly the perfect set up for open discussion for middle school boys, but a great reminder of the love in that family. What we will do for our kids so that they can experience the best things.

Scott and Joyce both shared as did Paige and Sarah, his sister. They did amazing. Sarah said something that I loved because it was so real. She said she didn't agree with God's timing but she knows that God knows best. I loved that. We don't have to have all the answers. We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to respond "the right" way. I believe God's chest is big enough to handle us pounding on it. He is a big God.

His little sister wrote "Things I Remember About Jared." It was awesome! One of the things that jumped out was that she said several times things that he would do "out of the blue." Out of the blue he would tackle her. Out of the blue he would run and hug her. Out of the blue.

I think that characterized Jared very well. He was an out of the blue person. He lived life out of the blue. You never knew what he was going to do next. That inspires me.

After the service was over we went to the activity hall to have snacks and share and hug and cry some more. It was good.

The most amazing part to me was that there were at least 3 people who made a decision to repent of their sin and believe in Jesus. Wow! That was amazing. The Bible talks about celebration happening in heaven when even one returns to God. I believe more and more of that will happen as a result of Jared's life and death.

Death causes reflection. Reflection is good. I'm not the best at it. I am glad that I am in a place of reflection these days.

Out of the blue

Loss of Life

Last night I got two voicemails from former students of mine. I could tell by the way they both talked that something bad was up. I called Jordan at about midnight and he told me that Jared had been in a snowboarding accident and died. Wow. Shock. Jared was maybe 19 or 20 years old. I won't go into the details as I have it only 3rd or 4th hand.

Jared was a total punk in middle school and was the only student I ever kicked out. We had a lot of long talks, but he made it difficult to be the "good guy." Now, I didn't dislike him at all. I actually really liked him. He was very funny and had a lot of life in him. He just wanted to push the boundaries all the time.

When he got into high school God grabbed a hold of his heart and things radically changed. I kept hearing this news from several people over the years. It was almost hard to believe that this was real, but I know that God breaks through tougher hearts than his.

As I do each year, I camped out overnight one year at Best Buy on black Friday and Jared called and asked if he could hang out with us. He did. We all had a great night and it was good to hear his story. god really has grabbed his heart and he has responded. We have many common connections, so I hear things from time to time and smile.

In talking to his dad this morning I think the reality of his loss hit me. I can't imagine losing one of my own children. I have been in a bit of a reflective place recently and I have been reflecting on this the last 14 hours or so (Karston was up all night sick and I was up with him).

Life is short. even if we get 100 years on this earth. When you put it in perspective of eternity, it is nothing. Jared had maybe 20 years with us. Who knows how much time we get here. I think most of us have this mentality of, "That will never happen to me." I know I do. That makes me think about how I am living my life. How am I treating other people? How am I using my words? Am I encouraging or tearing down? What am I doing with my time? Do I have compassion for people? Am I taking advantage of talking with people about Jesus? Am I missing out on opportunities because for some reason I get nervous when I feel like the Holy Spirit wants me to talk to someone about Jesus?

Again...I am going to make a difference. (read my old blog)

God has a reason for everything. He may just want Jared with Him now. I don't know. I think there are a lot of things we don't have answers for and won't have answers for while we are here on earth. I need to be OK with that. That is part of the mystery of God and part of faith.

See you shortly Jared.