Just as I predicted. I have purposely stayed away from them for a while now. It's not that I don't like to watch them. I do. They are amazing. There is something about seeing someone unite with their child for the first time that grabs my heart and twists at it. I feel such joy for these people. At the same time I think about the moment I will get to lay eyes on my son and my daughter for the first time. That moment is beyond my comprehension. It is so surreal. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I mean, I will one day in the relatively near future get to pick them up, hold them, love on them, bring them home, love them, raise them, hug them, teach them how to fish and play soccer and cook steaks on the grill and how to fix a car...oh wait...can't teach them that last one...at least not till I learn. Maybe youtube can help me with that.
Anyhow, I so look forward to that day. It's not that watching others' videos makes me jealous or anything like that. I truly feel great joy for them. It is the mix of the joy for them and the longing for my own kids that gets me. Or something like that. It is when I am unable to control my emotions. Much like a woman who is pregnant. Although that truth is not just about "gotchya" videos. Truth be told I am in touch with my "feminine" side (or emotional side if it makes you feel better to call it that). I am not afraid to cry, unless it's during a TV show, movie or commercial and Jeanne-Ann is sitting next to me and makes a big deal about it. Haha.
Sidenote: as much as I stay away from these videos, my mom is watching them. She is an emotional wreck every day because she watches these videos and reads all these adoption blogs. She has never been like this, but she is in great anticipation for her 3 grand kids to come home! Double sidenote: I do read a ton of adoption blogs these days. Those are much easier because I am identifying with the process of many of my new "bloggy friends."
When was the last time you cried? Do you remember why you cried? Are you easy to cry, or does that come hard by you? Have you ever watched one of these videos? (in an attempt to not exploit someone whom I have not asked permission to post their video, I am giving you a link here where you can google it yourself.
